Some Examples from your essays

Look at the following sentences taken from your essays. Some of them are quite effective while others show examples of problems (we’re concentrating on logic, organisation, support and effective persuasion rather grammar, punctuation, etc.) After reading them, decide what’s good, what’s not, and why.

1. (initial sentence) In today’s materialistic world it is safe to assume some powerful people are corrupt. To say then, that power always corrupts would indicate that even one example of an uncorrupt individual would negate the term altogether.
2. (initial sentence) “Religion relies on faith, and science relies on the present verifiable evidence“ (Dawkins).
3. (initial sentence) According to David Barrett, an editor of the World Christian Encyclopedia, there are 19 major world religions which are subdivided into a total of 270 large religious groups and many more smaller ones. Most people in the world follow one of the main religions, but what about the non-religious people?
4. (initial sentence) The Olympic Games are known throughout the world as a very important sports event and ceremony. Being granted the opportunity to take part in these games is a huge accomplishment. Individuals have to compete and maintain outstanding results in order to make it to the Olympics. Oscar Pistorius did not in fact deserve the chance to take part in the Olympics because of his prosthetic feet.
5. (Paragraph 4) A taser is an electro-shock device that can subdue an animal or human for a short period of time.
6. …one could see that power can corrupt… Charles Taylor simply made a pretense and kept the money for himself.
   
   For the statement “power always corrupts” to be true there must be no individual who has had power.
7. So, at a simple level, one can say science offers explanation like any other religion.
   
   Along with explanation, science and religions alike all offer a sense of consolation.
8. When one politician or someone influential or powerful gets caught up in a corruption scandal, anyone associated with that individual is classified as corrupt, which is unfair and a hasty generalization.
   
   If one looks past the negative aspects of those corrupt individuals in power one would notice powerful and influential people who do use their power and influence for good.
9. There is no universal script that has been passed down from generation to generation that requires people’s undeniable faith. (end of paragraph)
10. It may be unfair to deny Oscar the opportunity to participate in the Olympics, but it is also unfair for the other athletes who must compete with an individual who has an obvious physical advantage.
11. If tuition is free, college education will be the same as free high schools: the kids will not care if they fail because they know the course will be free next year.
12. Tasers are a safer piece of equipment for front line police officers.
13. Corrupt can easily be defined as a lack of integrity or honesty and actions that approach criminal behaviour.